Should Be or Shouldn't Be?
by bloodXblade
Summary: Mello wanted Near to look up to him. Near wanted Mello not to look down on him. Both wanting to be better to catch the others' attention. Both wanting to tell each other what they really feel. Yet they didn't. Will they ever?
1. Chapter 1

Note: Okay, so this is my first fanfic in chapters. I think there will be around 6 chapters to this fic, and I'll probably upload a new chapter each week or something like that.

* * *

**Mello**

A thick overlay of silence suffocated the rising flames of emotions that coursed through me. I stood, aghast, mouth and eyes wide open, ears tingling at the receiving of the words Roger just spoke. The fiery disbelief of my conscious mind battled with the frozen knowledge of the truth about L. Yet I could not let my mind turn. Usually things came naturally to me, but not now. Not when Roger was at Watari's place behind the solid heavy desk, pair of old hands clasped together in a tight clench, his wrinkled face pushed in a grave frown as he rested his head, and Near, quiet and small, efficiently piecing the jigsaw puzzle with the same blank expression he was always capable to obtain.

"Roger, say it again…" I murmured shakily, stoned as I was in the place I was standing.

"L is dead."

I had heard the same words just a few seconds ago. Now when I heard it again, a different sort of feeling came to me. It wasn't just fear and shock, or of disbelief, but that this meant that my life would change. And so would Near's.

"If you cannot win the game, if you cannot solve the puzzles, you are just a loser."

I spun around at Near. His calm tone and the usual soft way he spoke proved that he hadn't faltered. It always amazed me how he could be so stable in the mind. I admired him for that.

"So, between Near and I, L…" I realised what this death meant.

"Neither," replied Roger, his voice full of mourning, "since he died, he cannot pick anymore."

That was it. Nothing more. So all that we worked for had come to zero.

But roger was not quite finished, "Mello, Near, how about it, the two of you combining your abilities…"

"Yeah," Near agreed casually, "That's a good idea."

I could hear no more of it. True, I wanted to work with Near. I had always wanted him to acknowledge me and not to look down at me. But I knew that as I was, I would only drag him down. I would never want to draw him down.

"That's impossible, Roger," I forced that through clenched teeth, "you know that Near and I don't get along well together, you're always calling us out."

Always.

I'm always second, no matter how much I work, no matter how much I struggle…

"It's okay, Roger…" I continued, "The one who will succeed L is Near. Unlike me, Near is cool and acts objectively, like he is solving a puzzle."

And the Kira case is a puzzle. That's why Near is the best person to solve it. Unlike me, I'm not fit for it. I was never fit for anything that Near could do. Near was always better than me.

It had always been my goal to surpass him. To be better than him. To have him look at me as an equal, or maybe even look up to me. I don't want t be worse, I want to be better. Far better, so much better. Than what I really am.

"I'll leave … from this institution as well," I decided. If I stayed I would only be reminded so often, and forever, about my incompetence and how Near is always better than me. I would see Near, so high above me in intelligence, and he would see me, and look down, at the one so incapable and useless.

"Mello!" Roger was astounded. Poor old man. Watari and L had both died, and now I was leaving too. I couldn't help it, though. I had always bee none to act on impulse. Maybe later I would regret leaving.

No, I wouldn't. I mustn't.

I compelled myself toward the door, "In any case, Roger, I'll be 15 soon."

Near didn't move from where he sat, part squatting, part kneeling, with his completed puzzle. He did not turn to look at me. Nor did he say anything. So much like the Near I knew.

But I wanted him to react in some way. Because I would be missing him. Missing his bored glances at me whenever I walk pass him. Missing his light but precise touch as he piece together the puzzles on the floor. Missing his voice, soft but definite, every word worth its value.

I wanted him to miss me when I went –

"I'll live my own way."

- but I knew, for sure, that he wouldn't be.

**Near**

I knew it would be about L. The Kira case was at its peak and had been the main topic of discussion for anyone that talked at Wammy's House. When Roger called for me and Mello, I knew would have something to with it, for even since the conversation over the webcam, the two of us were called out for something to with L.

"He said that he would make Kira face the death penalty but he was killed instead, it that what you are saying?" Mello exclaimed.

However, I didn't expect L would be dead. L was our god at the institute. Everyone worshipped him, looked up to him, aimed for him, just I and Mello were. His death meant a dramatic change in our lives as well as our destinies.

Mello reacted explosively at that. He was a boy of impulse, acting as his intuition instructs, and never trying to hide what he thinks. Mello was always straightforward and clear. Just the opposite of me. Just what I cannot be.

We were always rivals, always competing, him always working to beat me and me winning by just a little each time. I had to keep being the best. Being so was the only way for him to take notice of someone. Then he would want to surpass that person, hate that person, and challenge that person. So if I wasn't the best Mello wouldn't be interested in me, like I want him to.

I've always liked Mello, for some reason. That's one part of me that I cannot contain, unlike my other feelings and emotions. I knew that he would never like me back, and he wouldn't even look at me properly, unless I caught his attention in the only possible.

And that was to be better than him. That way he would notice me, look at me, I would be part of his world.

"The two of you combining your abilities…" Roger was saying.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," I volunteered. I kept my voice calm, not eager as I was. I didn't want Mello to know that I wanted to work with him. He would look down on me, because I wasn't as controlled as I pretended to be.

I kept my head down and continued with the puzzle in my hands, but I knew, for certain, that Mello was glaring down at me.

"That's impossible, Roger." He turned me down so easily. Mello has so much power, always so decisive, and strong.

"You know that near and I don't get along well together, you're always calling us out." That was true. Mello hated me. I was never good enough for him, anyway. How foolish of me to raise my hopes. Mello was always unpredictable, one thing that made him so admirable.

"It's okay, Roger. The one who will succeed L is Near." No, don't say that. What of you, Mello? "Unlike me, Near is cool and acts objectively, like he's solving a puzzle." I only pretend to be. Because I'm afraid, afraid and scared of you rejecting me, too shy to tell you what I feel about you, you and all that you represent, the ultimate puzzle that I cannot solve.

But I did not move. There was no way of telling him that. No way of confessing, I could not find the right words, nor could I master the courage I needed.

Mello continued, "I'll leave, from this institution as well."

I froze, puzzle piece between two fingers, a rush of cold flooding through my veins. Mello meant that he was leaving, he was actually leaving.

"Mello," Roger began, but never finished.

"In any case, Roger, I'll be fifteen soon," Mello cut him off and did a swift about turn to the door.

I wanted to stop him, to grab his arm and beg him. To turn around from the assembled white pieces and call out to him, call out his name, call what I really feel, to tell him everything.

But the words did not come. Neither did I move an inch. I just kneeled there, on the floor, my face a frozen mask.

I listened to his footsteps softly padding away.

"I'll live my own way." The door smashed into its frame and soundwaves reverberated off the walls.

Roger breathed an exhausted sigh and closed his eyes. At that instant, I looked over my shoulder and stared at the blank shut door.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Hey there! Finally wrote the second chapter after 6 days of procrastinating! Honestly I really should do things faster and earlier, man. Anyway , here's chapter 2 / 6. I think there's gonna be 6 chapters, well according to my planning but I might add in an epilogue or something, not quite sure ne... Well, this chapter's quite short, and not so good. At least, I reckon it's kinda worse than the first chapter. But please enjoy it as much as you can.

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**Mello**

He would notice. He would realise. He would know that it's me.

Near would know that I was the one who kidnapped the Director of the NPA. He would know that I was the one after the Death Note. He would know that I was the one who offered the challenge now, after 4 years of silence after L's death.

He too, would come out of the shadow to face me, and to face Kira, as the new L. We would be versus each other again. Just like before, like 4 years ago. But this time I would do better, I would not let down my previous losses. This time I would win. I would be better than Near. I would make him acknowledge me.

And Near did make an appearance to confront me. He confronted Kira too, and the fake L. I wondered what he thought of when he did that. Did he ridicule me? Was he still looking down at me as inferior? Or had he forgotten about me over the past 4 years and only just remembered and brushed me off and thought, 'Oh, so Mello's still alive' and proceeded to cut me off?

I never found out. I never asked him. Because there was no way that I could.

I thought Near would stop me right away, but he didn't. Was he not sure that it was me? Or was he just playing with me, like he played with everything else around him?

Then the Director died, strangled himself with his tie. Did he really do it on his own accord? Or was he controlled by Kira? Was Near wondering the same things I was?

All the time, I would wonder back to Near. What he was thinking, what he would do, how he would feel. It was ridiculous, how obsessive I was about him, even years after the last time I saw him. His presence was always with me, never leaving, never exorcised, and never giving me peace. I was haunted, he would not leave me alone.

I then kidnapped Sayu Yagami, Sub director Yagami's daughter. Well, I didn't really do it. I gave the order to those lower than me in the Mafia. The ransom, again, was the Death Note, of which the NPA had in their possession. Near and his SPK would certainly had approached Yagami on the matter. So that _he_ would have the Death Note by the end. I would not let him win this time. I would take the Death Note, and prove to Near that I had gotten stronger.

I had expected Near, again, to stop the exchange. Yet the exchange happened. I got the Death Note without fail, Yagami got his daughter back, and as many all except 4 of the SPK members were wiped out successfully

But Near didn't do anything. Neither did the fake L.

So what was it that they had in mind?

No matter though. I had the Death Note. I was winning for now, and I would make sure that I keep my victory until the end. Then would I be worth Near's attention.

**Near**

It was Mello. It wasn't logic, or estimation, or evidence that made aware of his involvement in the kidnapping, yet I knew well enough that it was him.

I just knew, as if by instinct, that Mello had resurfaced.

I was glad. I have to admit that I was. Even though he kidnapped the Director, even though he kidnapped Sayu Yagami, even though he acquired the Death Note and even though he used it to kill off the majority of my organisation, I was still glad. Glad that Mello was stilling working hard to surpass me, and thus passed out the challenge.

I knew it was Mello who would make the first move to retrieve the Death Note. So when I found out that Director Takimura was kidnapped I was only concerned whether it was Mello or not. But then Takimura died before the other side receive the Death Note. Mello wouldn't do that on purpose. So it wasn't him that killed the Director? Then who would it be? Kira?

"Anyway, have you been able to track him down, Commander Rester?" I asked after a trail of logical evaluations about who may have killed Director Takimura. I held the photograph between my index and middle finger, the delicate portrait being my only solid reminder of Mello.

Mello…

"Well, I've able to find out that he was in the institution, which you pointed out, until 4 years ago. But since then, he's disappeared into thin air." That was the reply I had expected with 99.9 certainty.

"Into thin air," I echoed softly. Mello would definitely destroy all his records so no-one would be able to find him. But to do that he would need a lot of power. And money. So where could he have gone?

"I'm sorry," Rester apologised.

I tucked the photograph back into my breast pocket, where I had always kept it, so I would always have it with me, "No, that's fine." I found that picture back at the orphanage after Mello left. Apparently in his haste to leave he had forgotten that picture. I kept it with me ever since. Not that Mello was especially good looking or anything, but just having that picture made me feel happy.

"I wanted to know whether he vanished or not," I added. If Mello vanished it meant that there was a higher chance that he was still on the Kira case.

"I see," Rester's voice behind me had a sudden touch of realisation fused into it, "So, you suspect that he's involved?"

I did not answer. I did not know how to answer. Was Mello involved with this?

Mello, I thought, you always got too emotional and forgot to pay attention to the most important things… or maybe you're not involved in this at all? How could you leave your photograph at the orphanage…

I had smiled slightly at that. I was actually glad that Mello left his picture. Because I now kept it with me.

Anyhow, whoever kidnapped the Director Takimura and Sayu Yagami got the Death Note in the end. He was intelligent enough to take all the precautions and even prepared the flight for Sub director Yagami to take when he agreed to the ransom. Mello would certainly do that. Despite his mundane human intellect, Mello made use of all he had to reach up to me. With my calculations, it is quite possible that Mello had the same level of intelligence as any of Rester, Jevanni and Halle Ridner.

But he achieved so much more than they did. He worked so hard. He tried so hard. And he never gave up. He always chased after me, no matter where I went, to surpass me.

And for Mello's sake I would not lose to Kira.

Yay! Go Mello! Go Near!

Sorry if this chapter's really bad, but I really didn't know what to write in here, yet I knew this scene was important in the manga and I needed to include it. Please forgive me... I think Mello's actually a pretty hard persona to do. I mean, I think I write in Near's POV better and I find it easier for some reason. Or maybe Near just has the better scenes and lines. I really liked the photograph thing, that's why I went on kinda long about it.

Next chapter's gonna have Shidoh in it! Though I don't really care about the shinigamis, but anyway, anyone how does, there's something for you! And I'll work hard on the next chapter. Hopefully it will be better than this one, so wish me luck.


	3. Chapter 3

Finally finished Chapter 3!

Sorry, it's a bit late cause I started a doujinshi and got carried away.

This chapter's not that good, but there wasn't much I could rant on emotionally about.

Next chapter's gonna be easier, I hope, I mean that's where Mello blows up the whole place and there's a lot of emotion in that.XD

* * *

**Mello**

The Death Note lay on my lap, a thin, otherworldly object so delicate and yet so foreboding. Already I had inserted the names of the SPK members through Snydar and Near was left with none but 3 other subordinates. What was Near feeling now? The same calm indifference as always, or was he more wary of me?

I placed a call for Yagami Soichirou, "It's been a while, but I see that you're still following my orders to keep your cell phone on in exchange for me not killing you. Then notebook is real, and it has the power to kill people."

I opened the matte cover of the Death Note and lifted it up, its pale blank pages flipping with a ghostly swish, "But we can't kill people the same way Kira does. Kira has the ability to kill others just by seeing their faces. How does Kira get the names by just looking at people's photographs and images?"

I needed to find out about that before Near. Then I would be one more step ahead of him. I would prove my worth to him. I would make him look at me in a different light if we ever meet again.

And I got the feeling that we would.

The Japanese task force proved themselves useless and didn't even find out Kira's method eve after so many years of chasing. L would've known though, the real L would know. The fake and current L was no match to him. And no match to Near. If I want to surpass I Near I would have to surpass everyone else in my way.

And the entire SPK was in my way. Even though I killed off most of Near's men, the organisation was still around and could at any time, if Near managed to work out all my moves, arrest me, and the Mafia. I threatened the president about a matter of things, but it was still not enough.

Then there was still the issue of L. Even though Yagami had stated that Matsuda Touta was the replacement, I was still certain that there was one person with the brains who was still in charge of the investigation in NPA. After all, the fake L had been able to act as L for 4 whole years since the death of the real L. The president would have already made contact with him to plead for help as to escape my blackmail and the power of the Death Note. And 'L' would know that it was me, and he would try even harder to seek me out. So who was he? Did Near suspect him too? What did Near do about it? Does Near know already?

I did find out about Kira's sight, however. The shinigami Sidoh came to reclaim his notebook, but Snydar was still in possession of it. I learnt of the fake rules and about the shinigami's eyes. I escaped the US attempt to find me with the armed squad. I new things that Near didn't, for once. I had the upper hand in this race.

Being Near's rival certainly was difficult, especially since I had other emotions towards him. Emotions that I must not reveal to him, because I knew he would just turn me down. And what after that? How would I live? I was never satisfied with life, never seen the joys most people saw, I had no reason to continue living after the death of my parents. I might've just let myself die. But Near prevented that. Near became my goal and purpose of life.

For years I had been thinking about Near and obsessing over him, yet I never told him of what I felt towards him deep inside. I knew he wouldn't accept me. I knew that being Near meant having no emotions, no empathy and no love.

No love to anyone, and definitely not to me.

**Near**

I sat surrounded by screens broadcasting different channels reporting the death of President David Hoope. One after another, announcers summarise theories of great variety, arousing fear and suspicion across the globe. Amazing how the media has gotten so powerful over the years. Especially with the influence of Kira.

"Regarding the president's death, many are suspecting murder," someone was saying.

"American Police and US forces say they are not responsible for the murder of an armed band in L.A.," said another, "the belts of the helmets on all the members were cut away somehow."

Armed band, killed? Did Mello do that? Did Mello kill the president? That would make Mello a killer. A killer, like Kira… Had Mello changed so much? No… I forced myself to discard that thought. Mello was over-emotional, but he wouldn't become like Kira. L chose both of us to be his successor. L wouldn't choose someone like Kira, or someone that would turn to be like Kira. So Mello couldn't have been the murderer, could he?

"It's definitely a murder by the notebook. As the enemy needs to see the faces of the victims to kill them, they took off the soldiers' helmets," Rester pointed out the obvious. Many intelligence and military official do that, yet I never knew why.

"I wonder they didn't cut off their heads, if they would cut the belts so cleanly," I muttered as I played with a dart in my hands. The dart could kill, if thrown and aimed the right way. Easier to kill than to write a name and leave the evidence. It didn't make sense why someone would be bothered to kill with the Death Note when there was an easier way. "It's an action of no use."

"Anyway, it's doubtless that Mello and his men were there, and they killed the armed squad," Rester was firm and certain when he said that. I wanted to wince and curl into a ball, but out of my dignity of being in charge I just lowered my head and turned in my seat.

They didn't seem to notice my discomfort. Rester continued, "The problem is who knew the place and whose orders set the squad to motion."

"Now that the president and all of the squad members are dead and…" Halle didn't seem to be able draw and optimism out of the situation. Neither could I, for that matter.

"Near, what do you think?" Rester enquired. I didn't know what to say, and said so. "Now," I concluded, "I think it's best to observe closely."

There was nothing more that I wanted to say either. I just wanted Halle and Rester to leave the room, so that I could have some time alone to think. Mello was not a killer. I repeated that over and over in my mind, to imprint it as a fact and not a mere wish. Mello wouldn't be any different to how he was before. Mello would still be the Mello I was fond of 4 years ago.

I threw the dart. The small object departed form my fingers swiftly but spun out of the right path. It bounded off the wall and landed, skidding amongst the action figures I heaped on the ground. It didn't go the right way. Neither were my emotions.


	4. Chapter 4

So, um, sorry for not uploading last week. My internet bandwith allowance went over so I couldn't upload. And since I couldn't upload I didn't have deadline. And since I didn't have a deadline I procrastinated. And since I procrastinated I didn't write the latest chapter until yesterday.

So sorry for the wait.

But this chapter's long. Or at least it's pretty long for my standards. D

* * *

**Mello**

Dead.

Simple as that. They were all dead. Dropped to the floor as if the gravitational force of the Earth had suddenly increased, and they started to writhe and scream. Faces contorted in pain, small muscles bulging on their cheeks, a vein pulsing frantically on a temple, dry lips crack and bleed as mouths opened to choir gasps. Limbs swinging around, crashing into chairs, and walls, things they used to use. An uproar of noise, the noise of death and pain and torture, as the men struggled, their attempts futile against their fate, sealed by none but one man's hand.

And silence. And frozen space. Nothing moved.

I knew it. So Kira was involved.

I looked over to the screen of my laptop and saw that Shidoh had abandoned my orders for him to stop any trespassers. I swore in my head. They were well prepared. I was not ready for them. The shock of the deaths still lingered on my consciousness and half-dazed, I made for the stairs. On the way, I saw the Death Note.

"Roy, Skyer, don't let them get the notebook. Bring it to the monitor room," I shouted as I began to run. Upon arrival at the monitor room I saw that the two remaining men too had died.

I was alone. And the Death Note was back in the hands of the NPA. I was the only one left, and with nothing. Powerless, useless, alone. I never really felt that before. It was strange.

What had I done? Those men were dead because of me. Even though they were criminals that deserved to die and I needn't care about them, I could not clear the thought away. I was responsible…

I had no choice. There was nothing else I could do. I fumbled for the switch that Matt had provided for me and pressed the button.

Explosion. A fireball of sound charging at the eardrums, violent shaking of what was beneath the feet, chunks and bits and dust and pieces flying off everywhere.

"I've blown up the two entrances. You're not going to be able to get out of this place easily now. That was only a warning, but I'm going to blow up the whole building next. I can see all your movements through monitors, so if you don't want me to press the button, do as I say."

I needed to get the notebook back. Kira can't have it. I can't loose now. I've got to win. I need to beat Near. To beat Near. To surpass Near. To have Near see me as of more worth than he does now.

To see Near again.

"First order, I want all of you to smash the cameras on your helmets, throw all your weapons over the railing."

I needed to get the Death Note back. I gave out several more orders for Yagami to come into the monitor room.

"Bring the notebook and mask to me. I'm going to use you as my hostage gain." I didn't want to, but I had to.

"Mello," Yagami spoke, in a clear and calm tone, one that froze me to the core with no reason, "Mihael Keehl, your real name is Mihael Keehl."

Damn! How? Did he get it from Snydar? Did Kira control Snydar? So they joined up with Kira, as I suspected… Now what? Yagami could kill me. If he killed me I would loose. I must not loose.

"We had already uncovered everything about you. Give up, Mello. If you surrender, I won't kill you," I'm sure you wouldn't, Yagami.

"If I write your name in the notebook, you will die. Drop that switch and raise your hands," he looked agitated and afraid, yet determined. I felt the same way he did. Ironic, though, wasn't it? "Now1 Drop that switch."

I laughed. Was there anything else that I could do?

"You can't threaten me. If you try to write my name down, I'll press the button," it was an easy threat.

"Do it, then." That shocked me. This was my worst day ever, and never had I encountered one so strange and brave. "I'm prepared to lose my life. I'd happily give up my own life if it means that you'll die as well." Was there anymore I could expect out of a patriot?

"Stop trying to be a hero, Yagami. You might be satisfied with that, but what about your men? You're going to sacrifice them too."

"They're my men. They're all prepared to face death." I wasn't though. Death meant losing.

"Yagami," I knew there was no way that I would back out of this, "You've never killed anyone before, have you?" Neither had I.

I reached for the gun I had in a drawer beside me, and he started writing my name. I was going to die.

"Stop it!"

"Don't move!"

It was the end.

But then I saw.

"I'm sorry Yagami," I didn't have any intention of killing you, but you should never have joined up with Kira.

Not everyone on the floor is necessarily dead. You thought you could survive by pretending to be dead, Jose?

The gangster grabbed a gun on the floor and fired. Yagami crumpled to the floor.

"Jose, get the notebook." Why were men killing over such a thing? Why was I willing to bet my life on it? Did it mean anything to me other than surpassing Near?

I put on the mask.

"It's no use," Jose muttered, "He won't let go of the notebook."

"Is he still alive?" I was half relived and half afraid.

The police broke in. Jose was shot. I was alone again.

"It's all over Mello. Drop that switch."

I swore. I had no choice. It was all or nothing.

I pressed the switch.

I dashed away. A shard of something flew at my face and after a painful second blood slid into my eye. And as the building blew up, as the walls gave way, as the ceiling plummeted down, as the dust fell and rose all around me in a protective embrace, I thought of only one thing.

_Near, wait for me._

**Near**

I placed a call to 'L'.

"The only reason you found out their hideout was because you had Kira's help. But you don't know how Kira found out the hideout. Mello escaped, but you got the notebook back," I said it matter-of-factly, like I was only pointing out what everyone already knew, like it was no big deal that Mello got away, but it really was a big deal. Mello got away. Meaning that Mello was still alive. I couldn't describe how I glad I was at that.

"That's right. Stop being so obstinate. No matter how many times you ask me, it's going to be the same answer. I've told you everything I can," he sounded annoyed and tired on the other side. Such great acting skills.

I hung up even though that 1 minute conversation was completely pointless.

I went back to my construction of Lego and robot figurines.

"Near, I think it's about time you tell us your thoughts on this case," Rester me gave the utmost respect even though I probably didn't need it, but he was persistent in getting conclusions so I decided to say something.

"The new L is too foolish and Kira is too active."

It was a general statement, and anyone could see that for themselves, but it was a sensible beginning to an explanation, which followed as I gave out my deductions and discussed with Rester and Halle about my suspicion that the new L was Kira. All logical explanations and psychological passages pointed to that result and even though the other two were not as supposedly intelligent, and though they found it hard to accept my conclusion, they still followed me. I still had them with me. I had people I could trust and speak to, unlike Mello now.

Mello was alone. Like he was when he left. Somehow I got the feeling that I had four years ago, even though I didn't just hear him walk out and slam the door. But I felt the same, like I had deserted him even though I was never with him.

"Luckily, Mello escaped, so the remaining 93 might not be as hard to fill in," I spoke as if I was only using Mello. Well, maybe I was, and Mello would hate me for it, that was certain. Hate me and I would never be able to reach out to him. But perhaps I wouldn't anyway if he didn't hate me. I could never tell him how I felt about him. The words could never come out of my mouth. I was too afraid.

"Well then, please assume that this is correct and start investigating everything you can about the Japanese Task Force," it was meant to end our discussion.

But from one of the screens around, news broke that the vice-president announced the disbandment of the SPK and acceptance of Kira.

"What is gong to happen to us now?" Halle's question seemed to be directed at me.

"We're going to be dissolved, thanks to that chicken-hearted president… no, he's not a chicken. He's not even a maggot."

"Are you serious about dissolving the SPK?" Rester wasn't too keen.

"Yes. The country's justice system has completely collapsed," I said as I watching the toy train running on its path. The right path that it should be going on. "And I'm not joking when I say that dissolving the organisation may actually prove to be fruitful."

I briefed them on my scenario that Mello would've deliberately left a few of the SPK members alive.

"So we're going to purposefully disband and wait for Mello to contact one of us?" Rester realised.

"It's not a bad idea. The chances are pretty high. And it will be easy to get the vice president to announce that the SPK is disbanding," I kept watching the train. How simple and easy was it to keep going in its circles, not a care in the world, because it doesn't need to worry about other's people's lives, it doesn't need to worry about other people's feelings and opinions, it doesn't need to worry about itself. Because it wasn't alive.

"Mello is all alone right now. He probably has no-one to rely on. But I can't believe that he's abandoned his desire to be number one. Since he wants to get Kira before we do, he'll definitely want the information we have."

Mello would come. Because Mello would never give up. Because that was what Mello special, and the reason I admired him.

I kept kneeling on the ground and watched the toy train run its laps. And I would be kneeling there until the train stopped its orbit. And I would be kneeling there until Mello came. So as I kneeled, as I watched the train in its repetitive routine, as I set out the instructions for what the SPK members should do if Mello ever approached them, I thought of only one thing.

_Mello, I'm waiting for you._

So that's it for this week.

I'm pretty satified with this chapter. Is it bad? I don't know cause I never completely read over what I write. Heh heh heh. I know I should but I can't be stuffed. I never edit seriously unless it's for major work.

Oh yeah, and for people who've read all the chapters, could you please tell me if I'm getting worse or better or staying just the same? Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

So... finally finished this chapter. It's so long and I can't believe it. I guess it's got quite a lot of stuff in there. And sort of repetitive too, since this is the part where Mello and Near finally meet and again and I had rewrite the same thing over.

I hope it's not boring. Enjoy.

* * *

**Mello**

"Near came to the conclusion that you would try to contact me, but I don't think he knew that we had already met," said Halle over the sound of water splatters.

"It's so like Near to think that way." Well, why wouldn't Near think of all the possibilities? That's what he always did. But it just happens that Halle and I met before he thought of it.

"Near also thinks that the new L is Kira."

I was shocked. L was Matsuda Touta, but I thought he was completely useless, and the Japanese police were only using him as a mouthpiece. But, I guess that was possible. If Near thought of it that way, there must've been reasons and great plausibility in the theory.

I need to talk to Near, face to face. It was a risk, and I knew that Near wasn't seeing me as anything of worth other than perhaps a pawn in his game. But I wanted to see him again. And I needed to. I'd already lost everything. And if L was Kira, he had the Japanese task force to manipulate to capture me. Then I would die. If I died I would never be able to see Near again. So, for one last time, I need to meet Near.

"So what are you going to do?" the shower tap was turned off and Halle pushed away the curtain and padded past me.

"Halle, whose side are you on, me or Near's?"

"I already told you a week ago, didn't I? I'm on nobody's side. You, Near and I all want to capture Kira. We're all after the same goal."

How should I go find Near?

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to run away? If you do, I'm going to tell Near that you were hiding in my bathroom, and I met you," Halle continued, "Or do you want to meet me later somewhere else?"

I made up my mind, "Halle, go back to headquarters."

"What? I've got no reason to go back now."

"The make one up, go back," I pointed my gun at her head.

We entered the SPK building through the main entrance, in plain sight of all the security cameras. I was still pointing my gun at Halle's head. Near saw me, of course, and he let me in.

"Welcome, Mello," he said, not turning around. The other two remaining SPK members raised their weapons, aimed at me. But I paid no attention to them. All I looked was in front of me, as the huddled white seventeen year old fiddled with robot figurines.

I stared at the back of his pale figure squatted on the polished surface of the floor. He looked the same as before, short white hair curled smoothly, and dressed in white pyjamas several sizes too big but not making a fuss about it. He didn't grow that much taller in the past 4 years. And maybe because I did, he looked so small. So small and vulnerable and insignificant, while all he was and all he stood for was just the opposite.

"Drop your gun!"

"That goes for everybody. Put your guns down. It's meaningless for us to shed any blood here," said Near coolly, so much like his old self back at the orphanage.

"But Mello killed all the other SPK members, and he kidnapped and killed the Japanese Police Director," said one of the men.

I knew that I was wrong in doing all that. But I desperate to beat Near. And in desperation and on impulse I did things that I should never have done, I regretted but could never undo. What a fool I was. Near must've been disgusted.

"We have no proof of that, and I think Kira was the one that killed the Director. But that's not important now. Don't make me say it again. Our goal is to capture Kira." Near's tone didn't change. The same cool brisk voice reasoned out simply anything, no matter what the difficulty of it may be. "There is zero gain us killing Mello right now. He got the notebook once, and was able to get closer to Kira than any of us. That's something we should respect, and pointing a gun at him is just plain rude."

That was the first time he said anything close to a compliment about me. Utterly ashamed and guilty as I was, I was also glad.

The two men lowered their weapons, "Very well…"

Near could get anyone to do anything.

I cocked my own weapon away from Halle's head. She probably thought I had some possibility of shooting her. I would need to apologise later, "Well said, Near."

"So everything's gone as you imagined?"

"Yes," he replied, accompanied by the sound of plastic impacting on plastic, "Though I didn't expect you to come all the way here." He probably didn't want to see me anyway, "And thanks to you, I have been able to greatly narrow down my suspects for Kira."

"Near," I felt insulted, even though he probably never meant to. But he might've, and playing my role, and despite the denying of my own conscience, I pointed my gun at Near, "I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle."

The two men raised their arms once more.

"Commander Rester, please don't make me repeat myself. Lower your gun," Near didn't waver, Near never wavered. He was just as calm. Did he know that I would never shoot him?

"Mello, if you want to shoot me, shoot."

My hand shook. What did he mean? What was I doing? I would never kill him, how could I when I …… When I……

Halle spun around and stood in front of me, "Mello. If you kill Near right now, then even if you succeed in capturing Kira, it will be meaningless. And if you shoot Near, we'll be left with no choice but to shoot you. What good is there in both of you dying? That will only make Kira happy."

My arm dropped. And I smiled in relief. I was fortunate to have Halle present.

"She's right. Near, I just came to get the photo you have of me."

"Yes." He reached into his pocket and pulled it out in a light flick, graceful and elegant despite his childish presentation, "This is the only photograph, and there are no copies of it. Also, the surveillance cameras here only monitor, they don't record."

I took the picture. For a brief moment, we were less than a metre apart, and his hand was only a few centimetres from mine. I wanted to reach out a little further, to touch that pale, smooth hand, with long slender fingers perfectly posed. I but I didn't. even if I did, I couldn't feel it with my own fingers, since I was wearing leather gloves.

"I've contacted all the members of the Wammy's House and anyone else from your past who would know your face. It's not a hundred percent perfect, but I think it's safe to say that you won't be killed by the notebook."

I flipped the photo over. On the back, two words, smoothly written in black ink by Near's hand, spread out to meet my eyes, 'Dear Mello'. Dear? Did he put it there because he meant it? Did I mean something to him after all? Did he keep the photo of me with him all these years?

But Near knew that he would be handing me this photograph sooner or later. Come to think of it, it must've also been Near's plan for Halle to give me the SPK's information on Kira. I still couldn't out plan him after all.

I knew it was my turn to say something. And whatever I was going to say would end our meeting. I wanted Near to turn around. So that I would see his face, so see his eyes and look if he saw anything in me. Most possibly not. What did his face look like now? I could remember exactly what he looked like 4 years ago, but now?

"Near, I have no intention of joining forces with you," I said at last. It was almost as if we were back into the same situation as we were at the orphanage, and once again I stepped out of an opportunity. It was the way it had to be, though. We weren't meant to be.

"I know." Of course he knew.

"But it would upset me to receive this picture without giving anything in return," it would. Lowly as I was in comparison to him, I still didn't abandon my aim, "The murder notebook, it's a shinigami's notebook. And people who touch it can see the shinigami."

"Impossible," one of Near's men began to say.

"Who's going to believe that? A shinigami?" the other started as well.

"I believe him." Near was definite when he said that. Near believed me. I felt happy. Even though he believed me out of logical reasoning and not of faith and bonding trust. "If he were telling me a lie, he would tell me a normal- more meaningful – lie. Therefore, the shinigami exists."

"The notebook belonged to a shinigami named Shidoh, who dropped it in the human world. He had to come down to get it back. But another shinigami had it before," I explained.

"We know that because there were rules written in English inside the notebook for human use, right? It would be odd for a shinigami to write rules down for humans to use when he wants to get it back," Near figured it out with such ease.

I turned to leave and tucked my gun in my belt. "And one more thing. There is a fake rule hidden amongst the rules written in the notebook. That's all the information I can give you."

But I wasn't just going to leave like that.

"Near," I began.

"Mello," he responded.

"Which of us is going to get to Kira first?" I challenged.

"The race is on," he accepted, I could tell, with a smirk.

"Our destination is the same. I'll be waiting for you there."

And when we meet again, I would tell you everything I've always wanted to tell you, for so many years.

**Near**

I was positioning a few Transformers figurines with miniature rifles when I heard Commander Rester yell out my name in alarm, "Near!"

I spun my head around to be confronted by the sight of Mello flashing from every monitoring screen in that direction. He was taller, with broader built and walked with a manly stride in a menacing air. Typical of a Mafia leader, yet somehow he was also just the opposite. His choice of clothes had changed, transferring from loose dark clothing to tight black leather, maybe because of the gangster influence, but from where I knelt, I saw that he was as he always was, if not stronger and more courageous. But he was wearing a hooded jacket and I could make out his face properly. But I did see obvious signs of a permanent scar.

And he was pointing a gun at Halle's head. That was the only thing that put off my ecstasy.

"What? What's going on? You were right about him making contact, but…" Commander Rester began a stream of consciousness.

"Please let him in," I instructed.

The double doors behind me opened smoothly with a soft hiss of friction, and I dropped all I had in my hands and turned back to my front.

A pair of footsteps, one pair light and uneven, the other stable and constant, echoed on the hard floor.

"Welcome, Mello," I mused, as I felt his tension and emotion steaming from behind me.

"Drop your gun!" yelled Commander Rester, and I knew that this was the most disastrous of entrances that Mello could possibly make in our headquarters.

"That goes for everybody. Put your guns down." I still couldn't quite believe that Mello was actually here.

However, neither of the men was keen to let their guard down, but I debated with them, and reasoned them into lowering their weapons.

"Well said, Near." It was the first time Mello ever complimented me, however forced and obviously forced I knew it was.

"So everything's gone as you imagined?" Mello cut straight to the point.

"Yes," I answered. It was a definite half lie. Everything with Kira and the Death Note and Mello coming there was expected, but Mello did quite a number of things that were beyond my calculations. As things always were with Mello. He was always unpredictable.

Only now he had become even more unpredictable, and I couldn't help but feel compulsively intrigued by him.

"Though I didn't expect you to come all the way here," I continued. Surely I didn't. I thought that after he stormed out of Wammy's House over 4 years ago, I would never see him again. And it was a god thing that I was proved wrong.

"And thanks to you, Mello, I have been able to greatly narrow down my suspects for Kira," I finished. It would provoke him, of course, and it was not the wisest thing to do, but I wanted to be truthful about that fact. I did use Mello, in a way. And he got hurt and lost many things because of my selfishness.

"Near," I braced myself for an outburst, "I'm not a tool for you to use to solve the puzzle."

I heard the click of a gun not too far from my head, and two more threatening sounds as both Jevanni and Rester raised their weapons. I didn't think that Mello would want to shoot me, but then again, why not? I had always known that my interest was single-sided.

"Commander Rester, don't make me repeat myself. Please lower your gun," I tired keep my tone as flat as possible.

They ignored me. Typical.

I went on, "Mello, if you want to shoot me, shoot." I wouldn't mind if it was Mello. But somehow I knew that Mello would pull the trigger, even as I heard his finger's pressure on the mechanism.

He stood frozen for a few seconds. More than enough to shoot me, since I was so close. But he didn't shoot. Why not?

Halle turned and blocked Mello. It was an act of great bravery, though I knew already that Mello had already decided not to kill me. Possibly for the fact that if he killed me, it still didn't mean that he surpassed me.

"She's right, Near. I just came to get back the photo you have of me."

Why the photo? It was my only solid reminder of him, but he has to take it away?

But I just said yes and retrieved the delicate photograph out of my breast pocket, where I always kept it, "This is the only remaining photograph, and there are no copies of it. Also, the surveillance cameras here only monitor, they don't record."

He reached down to take it. His hand was only a few centimetres away from mine. A gloved hand. I silently wished that he might've taken it off some time, so that I could touch his flesh for once, but fate had it this way.

"Near, I have no intention of joining forces with you." Pity though, how I always hoed he would change his mind.

"I know."

But he gave me information that I could never collect myself. All about the shinigami, and the fake rule. There was a fake rule.

"Near," he said as he turned on his heels to leave.

"Mello."

"Which of us is going to get Kira first?" It was another challenge. Like in the old days, when every test was a battle. I had to smile at that.

"The race is on," I agreed, and bent my head down to hide the tears that were rising into my eyes. He mustn't see me cry. He mustn't see me being weak. I must not cry. I must be weak. Only when I was stronger that I would be worthy of him.

"Our destination is the same. I'll be waiting for you there." Perhaps it was only a delusion, but Mello sounded sincere about that. I kept smiling and hoped that it was true.

His footsteps faded away and the doors slide shut with a familiar hiss of friction.

The tears rolled and lightly dripped onto my sleeves.

Uh-huh. Near cried. When I was studying the manga I realised that near's eyes were shadowed by his hair in that frame, and in the next there was only a shot of his back, so you don't see his eyes. Maybe he was starting to cry?? Don't know. I mean, I can be every wrong, but that's the point of fanfiction, right?

Since this week's entry is late, the next chapter might be late as well. I'll try not to procrastinate, though. XD

And oh yeah, I've decided that I will have another chapter after the next one, so it's going to have seven chapters other than six, as I had previously planned. I need something to finish it off properly.


	6. Chapter 6

A rather sad and pathetic chapter, really. Sorry if it disappoints.

* * *

**Mello**

"Soon, he will bring things to a conclusion directly."

I listened over the phone as Halle reported to me about Near's final plan.

"He's going to make him write your names down directly," I thought over it.

"Yeah."

That was a high risk move. Kira had outwitted L and me and many other people so many innumerable times it was still possible that Kira might have thought of Near's plan and made precautions against it. And if Kira managed to find loopholes, and Near's name was written down, it would be all over. Even if I lived when Near died I still wouldn't win. And I would have no more reason to keep living. Near was my everything, ever since the first I day met him.

No. Near must not die. If he seriously was going to let Kira write his name down, he must make sure. And there would be no way of making sure when things were as they were.

There was no one who could intercept the plan.

"Looks like I'm the only that can do it," I concluded, out loud, though I did not mean to. I hung up on Halle after that.

There was no other way to do it.

Other than for Kira to kill me.

So I set up a plan with Matt to bring myself to death. I didn't think Matt would die too, even though the possibility was high.

Through the screeching of tires and smoke that Matt surrounded the immediate environment, I sped up to Takada and Halle. Halle would recognise my voice. And I would take Takada away with me, and with her being Kira's representative, Kira would come for me. And use his Death Note to kill me. And Near would be able to make sure that it was the real one.

"You should leave here, Takada-sama, please come behind me."

Halle recognised me. She helped Takada onto my motor bike, "Takada-sama, it's alright. Please get on and leave here immediately."

And as I left her, Halle commanded over her radio, "A Team and B Team, run alongside Takada-sama. Other teams, chase that car."

Her voice slowly faded as the noise of my engines roared over. That was the last time I heard her voice ever again. To think, if I wasn't obsessed with Near, I would be very fond of her.

"Good, I confirmed it's safe. Please take Takada-sama to the car Number 7," a loudspeaker reverberated through the noises and I knew I had to make a turn. And by luck I found a small alleyway just a few seconds later. I swerved right and as I shot through the narrow lane, where the cars couldn't follow me, and handcuffed myself and the woman together.

This woman was connected to Kira. I had to do it this way.

I pushed down on my brake and the bike screeched to a halt right in front of the rear end of a merchandise truck. I led her in, opened the handcuffs and kicked a cardboard box between us.

"Take off everything you're wearing and put them in that."

"So basically you're saying you want me to strip naked right here?" she asked in a shocked manner. But I couldn't' care less.

"That's right. I'm sure you're carrying a tracking device so your bodyguards can find you wherever you are. Unless I have you do this, those guys would be chasing us forever. This delivery truck's forwarding station is nearby. We're dumping your things in one of the trucks there."

That was straightforward enough. But then, it was rather cold. If this woman was to live, even though she was the representative of Kira, she was no more than that. In that case she shouldn't be ill-treated as she wasn't Kira, and didn't kill.

"Snap to it, woman! I'm letting you have this blanket, Ok?"

"Alright," she stuttered and threw her handbag and cell phone case into the box. "That way I won't be able to contact anyone. So… please… I'll take my clothes off, but let me wrap myself in the blanket before I take off my underwear."

"That's fine. Hurry up!"

We moved to the forwarding station and I taped up the cardboard box. "Okay, this should be fine. Please keep it quiet in there for just a minute or so." I left her and hid the box with the others in another truck.

After that I went back in and started the truck. I drove without aim and just kept going forward. On the small screen, the news broadcasted a live footage of the scene where Matt was killed. I didn't think they would kill him. Yet, why wouldn't they? They were supporters of Kira, they were just as unrighteous. If they followed a man of injustice, why wouldn't they follow an unjustified path?

It was now that I had time to think about Near. It wouldn't be long before I would never be able to even think about him. He would probably tell Halle to stop me. I was getting in his way. But I have to keep being in his way for him to be able to make sure, and he would exchange the right Death Note. He would realise that once I was dead, wouldn't he?

Then he would win. Like he always did. I couldn't surpass him after all. But if my death was to be of some use to Near and help to keep him alive, then it would be worth it.

I did say that I would wait for him at the end of the case and meet him again. I guess things never turn out the way you plan for it to be. Fate is a strange thing, and there's nothing we can do about it. Or it could just be a matter of decision. I did make the decision to sacrifice myself. For Near, what more could I do?

I sighed.

A flaming clench of pain grasped my heart and pounded in my chest. With a soft cry caught in my throat, I stamped on the brake, and the momentum sent my head smashing into the steering wheel. The pain in my head was no match for the one in my chest, which intensified with every passing second, and slowly subsided as blinding indifference slowly engulfed me.

As all my senses blurred and faded, I clung on, not to life, but of that image, of Near's small back, vulnerable and beautiful, the last time I saw him and made that promise I could not keep.

**Near**

"L, the kidnapping of Takada was not done by me," I knew he would think that it was me, since I was the one that kidnapped Aname Misa and Mogi the last time.

"Really? Then it must be Mello."

"Yes," I agreed, as though it was no big deal and I couldn't care less if it wasn't, "To be honest with you, the guard I set for Takada confirmed the abduction was done by Mello. I'm sorry about the situation with the bodyguard I set there."

Yes, very deeply sorry. I felt so sorry for Mello.

"Near, I suppose you can contact Mello, right?"

"No I can't," I wished that I could, and if could, I would've done so already, "I have the means, but it is unlikely for him to answer me under this situation. He will chase down Kira through Takada."

I was certain he would do that. Halle had told him about my plan, and he must've gotten desperate enough to try anything. The dead body of the man that stormed the scene on a rampage was unidentified, but I already had a vague idea for who it could be. Other than Matt, there would be no one else who would do such a thing. No one who would dare, and no one who wouldn't care to die for Mello.

And no one whom Mello could find and trust in such a short time.

"To be honest with you," I said again, "I didn't want him to do such a thing and create chaos for the next three days."

"L, we are going to search for the whereabouts of Mello," I informed him. I must stop Mello. If Kira didn't know of my plan, he must be very careful and short tempered. Mello could be killed if he wasn't careful.

Not long afterwards the news of the fire appeared on one of my multiple screens.

"It bring me great sorrow to tell you that among the two dead bodies found at the scene, one of them was the announcer Kiyomi Takada. The autopsy results have been confirmed as her by forensic detectives. Inside the church went up in flames and collapsed was a 2 ton truck with a motor cycle inside. They are looking at the cause of the blaze to be the ignition of gasoline."

Two bodies. Somehow I wasn't surprised.

"Finding out the identity of the other body, which is believed to be the abductor, proved to be painfully hard."

Mello. Who else could it be? I thought I would collapse at that right then and there, but somehow I held on to my sanity and placed a call to Jevanni and ordered, "Please stay with Mikami as long as possible while being able to make it to Daikou Wharf on the 28th at 1:00pm."

But that was after Jevanni reported to me.

This meant that Mikami, no, Kira, would move Mikami as soon as Jevanni separates from him in order to make it to the wharf at 1:00 pm. There were no obstacles to the plan.

Halle phoned me, "Near."

"Yes?" I already knew what she would tell me.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't imagine Mello would..."

I didn't let her finish. I didn't want to hear the rest of what she had to say, because I knew and I didn't want to be reminded, "No, it's fine. The problem is solved." I hung up on her.

I thought over what Jevanni had said to me and shook my head in disbelief as I moved the finger puppets into a new order. It was unlikely that I would forget to consider an obvious possibility but it seemed I had blundered the most in the one time I could not afford to. And it was in that time that Mello backed me up.

At the cost of his life, at which I was undeserving.

But Mello already won. He won when he thought of what I hadn't. Though it was possible that the fatal act was only out of desperation to surpass me, my intuition told me otherwise. There was no logic needed to tell that Mello did all that for me.

That was why I must not loose. If I lost Mello would've died for nothing. I wouldn't let that happen.

And I was sure, though shaky as my position was, that I would win. Because Mello had given me power. Mello had given me what I lacked, and though he was dead, his influence and spirit upon me would never abandone me.

I never knew whether he loved me or not. And in the end I never told him that I did. That was the biggest regret in my entire life. But if he hadn't died then, would I have told him later? Maybe I would've held that as secret to my grave.

I would never know. And I knew that Mello wouldn't want me to look back, but rather to look forward and march to that victory that was rightfully ours.

* * *

This was meant ot be the last chapter. However, I thought that just as it is, it is not closed off properly, so I thought I'll put another chapter after this, just ot finish it off.

It will only be Near speaking though, since Mello died, so unfortunately.


	7. Chapter 7

So, final chapter. I hope it is not a disappointment for you all.

* * *

**Near**

"Near, victory is mine."

I smirked at the demonic man before me, tension and anger rolling up inside my every cell as I took the words he said. I had expected Mello to say them to me when he eventually surpassed me. I had wanted him to be the one to say it, yet in front of me, an angelic face distorted into a wicked smile, Kira said those words with such malice and arrogance I was tempted to leap up and hit him. He took Mello's life. He took Mello's pride. He took Mello's words of eventual victory.

But at least he wasn't to win. Mello had made sure, but at the sacrifice of his own life, that I would conquer Kira. And I was not going to let Mello's hard work to go to waste.

Over a minute passed after Mikami has written down the names in the Death Note in his possession. No one had died.

"We didn't die," gasped Matsuda as he raised both of his hands in front of him to see the life still there and feel the cold air inside the warehouse, "One minute passed, and we didn't die."

"Which is why I said we wouldn't, many times over," I replied smugly.

"Why?!" Mikami screamed into his Death Note maniacally, driven over the verge of his sanity by the power and confusion that Kira had imposed on him, "Why won't they die…"

Kira wore a similar expression to that of his underling, which changed into a sneer as his realised his defeat. The defeat he deserved, now more than ever.

"Rester, Jevanni, detain Mikami."

They obeyed.

"Jevanni, hand me the notebook," I continued to order, and he did as he was told.

"Everyone," I announced, "Please confirm this with your own eyes." I pulled the notebook up so everyone could see the names printed on the delicate lined page of the ghostly weapon. The names of everyone present, other than that of Yagami Raito, were written in order, with my name at the very beginning.

Nate River. My real name. I had though of telling it to Mello when the Kira case was over, but I never go to. He never knew my real name, and I never knew his, this was the result of aliases back at Wammy's House. It was to protect us, and it did. Only the bond that I had dreamed of creating between Mello and me never became a reality.

"The first four are, obviously, the real names of the SPK members. And the only one here without his name written down is Yagami Raito. Mikami called you 'God' and said he did as you said. It's settled," I said conclusively.

Kira glared at me with madness flaring out of his wide eyes, "Trap! This is a trap! In order for near to frame me, he devised this trap. Isn't it strange, writing names down in the notebook and not dying? That proves that this is a trap."

"I told you that we modified it so wouldn't die, didn't I?"

"No, you are," he stuttered, "I can't believe it…"

"It's already too late," Aizawa placed a firm hand on Kira's shoulder, "You said 'victory is mine' and it's the same as a confession."

They moved forward to handcuff Kira, and he spun away to run. So mundane. I directed the exit to electronically seal itself.

"Yagami Raito… L… Kira," I ran the list of identities that he had taken up, "you lose. Just now, you proclaimed victory. Granted. Originally, you would've won. And I had lost."

He looked up, startled. I waited for the moment to come.

"You had Mikami using a fake notebook all this time, all along, showing it us as the real thing. You read as far as 'my altering the notebook so even if my name is written down in the fake notebook, I wouldn't die' and proceeded forward. We successfully did what you predicted and altered the fake notebook."

I went on to explain how I changed the predicted page that our names were to be written down on.

"Although what I said in the beginning, 'I modified the notebook', applied to the real Death Note as well. In other words, the real notebook and the fake one, have both been altered, the fake one had just a part of it changed whereas the real one had the whole thing secretly replaced," I smiled.

I pulled the real Death Note out of the front of my pyjama top. It was a good thing that my clothes were several sizes larger than I really was, that it was loose and hid the notebook perfectly, "This is the real notebook. Jevanni made the fake one for us in one night. Whether or not we could make it on time for the switch was the key. But he managed."

And we all the shinigami Ryuk, though we had pretended that we didn't. I talked to the god of death and confirmed what I had suspected some time ago.

"Even pieces ripped out of the Death Note can be used. This means that there are numerous ways of using it, right? Actually, I wonder just how many people you've killed, and how many time you've fooled us by means of this," many time, I was certain, letting Mikami pretend to kill in broad daylight while another wrote the name in the Death Note pages.

"Yagami Raito, you are Kira," I concluded.

The man simply glared. I knew what was going on in his mind. He was wondering who could've leaked the information out for me to find out.

It was time to explain everything.

"You are wrong," I told him "It was all thanks to Mello. Knowing you, that's all you need to put two and two together, right?"

I choked on that name. Why shouldn't I have? Even since the day he died I had avoided mentioning him, because I was afraid that I would fall apart in front of an audience. And now the audience had increased. Kira was in front of me. I must not cry and let them see.

"Please look carefully at the page before the one that has our names written in it," I flipped the page over.

Takada's death was planned out perfectly. And I explained about how that contributed to my success, how it was not planned and Mikami had taken out the real Death Note in order to kill Takada.

"To you and me, the plan was for Mikami to write our names on the right page. You believed that we had tampered with the fake notebook and that real one would be brought here to kill us. But we had already managed to switch the real notebook with the fake one that we made and got Mikami to bring it. Granted, it's a lot harder to figure out it's fake if you replace the whole book, rather thank just pages. Of course, the credit goes to Jevanni and Rester for creating the copy in only one day, but the biggest help in this situation," I stared right into his face and said out loud, forcing the tears back, "was Mello."

"Mello might've known this would happen," Halle murmured, "I told Mello that Near said 'soon, he will bring things to a conclusion directly'. At first I thought he only meant, 'to settle is himself before Near'. But, if you look at what happened…"

Her voice trailed off. I didn't blame her.

Mello saved my life. He saved all of us. There would never be a way to compensate to him and all that he had done for us, other to put the Kira case to an end. I never knew that Mello would give up his life for me. But then he could've just done to stop Kira from winning. But whatever it was that caused his suicidal interruption, there was so much that I owed to him than I would ever have imagined.

"It's probably true that be believed he would get ahead of me by his actions, but Mello's actions were not just that. Even if Mello couldn't surpass me," I started to cry again, and even though I struggled against my bursting sorrow I couldn't bar the tears.

"Couldn't surpass me…" that was a lie.

"Mello was always trying to be number one and said that surpassing me, means surpassing L. But he knew. I can never surpass L. Perhaps while I lacked dynamics, Mello lacked composure, in other words, by ourselves we were not able to surpass our target. But," lifted me head up and raised by fingers, which were topped by the finger puppets I had made of Mello and myself, "together we are as able as L. Together we can surpass L."

"And now," I breathed heavily, a flaming cocktail of emotions bubbling in a burning concoction, "the Kira who L was unable to bring up any evidence against, the Kira L lost to, we have concrete evidence on!"

"If you can talk your way out, by all means do," I challenged.

He talked. He talked nonsense, about how he was the god of the new world, about how he was the only one who could save the world from the demise it was in.

"What will com form arresting me here? Isn't it serving only to protect yourself? Isn't it just for the sake of your own ego? If it's just avenge L, then it's the stupidest course of action," I he glowered at me.

No. Not just to avenge L. In fact, it wasn't about avenging L at all. It was all for Mello. To avenge Mello. To make up for what he had done in favour of me. To not let his death be a waste and to live in the only salvation of my grief and my own regret.

"The one on front of your eyes may be Kira, but he's also the god of the new world!"

"No," I replied calmly, "you are just a murderer. And this notebook is the worst weapon in history."

I thought that would be the end of it.

But Kira thought otherwise.

The genius threatened me that the Death Note may be fake as well. That I wouldn't know if it was real unless I killed someone with it.

And he turned his back to me.

"A piece set in the watch!" Rester exclaimed, and I realised.

A gun shot went off and Kira collapsed with an explosion of blood. And Kira went mad. The madness was perhaps wit his all the time, before he had the Death Note even, that surfaced at the impact.

And that madness drove him to plead to the death god to aid him. Which caused his eventual death.

The Kira case was over.

Members of the party stood in silence and stared at the bloody body still and cold on the floor. The ungodly god met his end and the war had come to an end. The NPA contacted other police and the SPK helped them to clear the area. I went outside the warehouse and squatted by the edge of the wharf.

The sea wind blew with soulless touches through my hair, my clothes, and against my skin. The day was late and the noises of nature drummed against my ears. The emotions within me slowly subsided as I watched the seagulls fly, higher and higher, up into infinity.

And to that unknown place up there, I whispered to him, "Mello, I've always looked up to you."

Ah... it's finally done. It actually took longer than I had planned, but then, plans never seem to work out. Same in the case of Death Note, is it not?

But I guess that's what makes life exciting. And Death evermore terrifying.

But we'll all die one day so why not make the lives we live worthwhile? I really think that everyone in DN lived a great life, no matter now they died.

Hmm...

I probably won't be writing another fanfic chapters in a while. Will probably do a few one shots before going back to another long story. I'll see.

So for now, thank you all for reading. Reviews most welcome.

And this is bloodXblade, signing off.


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